I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
