And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
