definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
