I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
