Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
