I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
