I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
