My brain says no but my pants say off.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
