Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
