Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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