guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
