Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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