quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
