i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
