He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
