Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
