My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
