oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
