The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
