I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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