I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
