I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
