just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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