batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just had sex bonerless
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
