Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
