he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
