are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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