the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
