My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
