I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
