I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
