a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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