We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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