ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
