Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
