there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
