1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
