There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
