How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
