some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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