ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
