he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
