If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
foreskin is a definite game changer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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