3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
