I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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