Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
