party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
