She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can Purell be used as lube?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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