i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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