It's like God shit irony all over that family
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
