It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
