Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
